by Janice
Author’s notes: For this story, it might be an idea for you to know what has gone before. (The Bob-Whites have spent quite a lot of time working themselves into this state.) You may like to visit the Reminder Page before you read, just to get the details straight in your mind. (I’ve linked to Too Many Changes, but you may want to look at The Broken Years as well.)
A FEW WARNINGS: I’ve given this story a PURPLE STAR because it contains sensitive subjects, mild adult language and adult situations. It’s not in graphic detail, but it’s there. Exactly what is sensitive is rather spoilerish, so if you would like to know what it is before you read, email me.
Before we start, I’d like to thank my editors, LoriD and Greyfort, for all their help on this story. Without their help, the Bob-Whites would not only sound crazy, but be badly punctuated. 
It’s cold. In more ways than one.
Jim, Honey, Brian, Mart and I have driven down to Virginia together over the last two days. Last night we stayed in Williamsburg and Brian and I had the worst fight of our lives.
Great way to start the reunion, huh?
I can’t believe him. I mean, where does he get off?
What right does he have to say what I should and shouldn’t do? Especially since I know that he did what he accused me of. Hypocrite!
I haven’t done what he thinks I’m doing, but I’m not about to tell him that. I’m old enough to make my own decisions. I don’t need to apply to big brother Brian for advice.
We’ll be there soon. We just passed Lizzie James’ old store. In a few minutes I’ll have to make nice and pretend that this never happened. Di would be so hurt if I spoiled everything now.
Brian and Trixie are ignoring each other. They seem to think that no one else noticed that they fought. Of course, the rest of us heard the whole thing. Motel walls are thin and they were yelling so loud we could have heard them across town.
I think Jim was pretty hurt, actually. After all, it was him they were fighting about. Mart tried to pretend he couldn’t hear them.
I was looking forward to this time so much. Now I wish we’d never come.
I’ve got to keep my hands on the wheel and my mind on the road.
I can’t think about Brian’s eyes trying to bore a hole into the back of my head. I can’t think about the things Trixie said to him - about me!
This is so unfair! I get the punishment, but I didn’t get the pleasure of committing the crime.
I want to turn the car around and drive far away from here - leaving Brian Belden on the side of the road. I want to pull over and say ‘Brian, I’m not sleeping with your sister so just lay off.’ But I don’t. I keep driving.
I’m so ashamed.
I can’t believe the things I said to Trixie last night.
I don’t even believe that half of them are true. I just felt so threatened by what I saw in them that I lashed out.
Things are so much more serious between them than I realised. When did she grow up? She was little more than a girl when I left for college. Now she’s a woman and I don’t think I know her anymore.
What’s gone wrong with me? And how do I make it right?
I should never have let Trixie bully me into this.
I should be back home at Crabapple Farm eating Moms’ cooking and talking to Bobby - er, Bob. No, forget it. I can’t change what I call him now. He’ll just have to put up with it. I should be spending time with Bobby before he starts thinking I’m more a stranger than a brother.
I should be living in blissful ignorance of what my sister might be doing in private. Of course, Brian is no reliable source of information on that topic, so maybe I’ll forget the whole thing.
Maybe we should all forget it.
Oh, here they come.
They look pretty tense. I hope they haven’t been arguing.
Trixie’s looking determinedly happy. That’s a bad sign. A very bad sign. This is going to be a complete disaster, I just know it! They all look miserable.
Oh, why did I want to do this?
“Hi everyone,” Di greeted with forced cheerfulness. “Did you have a good trip down?”
“Fine,” said Jim shortly.
Di’s smile faltered and for a moment there was a strained silence.
“Well, get your things together and I’ll show you to your rooms,” Di continued.
Each of the travellers gathered belongings and the group moved inside the grand building. Di led the way through the house, giving a running commentary as they went.
“As you can see, Rosewood has the same floor plan as Green Trees, just in mirror image. We’ll use the same rooms as we did the last time we stayed there.”
“What do you mean, ‘the same rooms’” Honey queried, a rebellious tone in her voice. “Dan and I go together.”
“Not this time,” Di told her firmly. “This time we’re doing things just the way we used to. No boy-girl sharing!”
“Just imagine Miss Trask’s face if we’d suggested that,” Jim tried to joke. A few of the others smiled but Brian’s face remained grave.
“By the way,” Di added, “Dan called to say he’d be a little late. Lunch will be ready soon, so come down when you’re settled.”
The group parted ways, the newcomers retiring to their rooms to unpack. Di went back downstairs.
Trixie and Honey’s room, like its counterpart in Green Trees, overlooked the back of the house and contained three beds. Di’s belongings were neatly arranged next to one of them.
“I don’t see what difference it makes,” Honey said, her voice a little peevish, “whether I share with you and Di or with Dan.”
“Poor baby,” Trixie giggled. “Can’t live without lover-boy for a week.”
Honey smiled self-consciously. “What’s this?” she asked, picking up some papers from her bed. “‘Bob-White Reunion. Program.’”
“Di’s been busy,” Trixie mused. “I can’t believe how much work she’s put into this.”
“We never needed a program before,” Honey muttered in rebellious tones.
“Go easy on her,” Trixie countered. “You used to be the tactful one. See if you remember how it’s done.”
Across the hall, Brian and Jim unpacked in tense silence. Mart, alone since his roommate had not yet arrived, unpacked quickly and sat down to read the papers which Di had left him. The first sheet consisted of a rough program for the week which noted meal times and some special activities which Di had planned. Clipped behind this were some papers to be filled in and a sheet of instructions.
Looking at his watch, Mart realised that it was almost time for lunch now and instantly felt very hungry. He tapped on Brian and Jim’s door and called to them on the way past. Honey and Trixie were already on their way downstairs, a few paces ahead of him.
“I hope lunch is ready soon,” he said, catching up to them. “I’m starved.”
Trixie giggled and the three instantly felt a little better.
“You would be,” she rejoined. “Though, I must say I thought you’d handed that responsibility on to Bobby - er - Bob.”
“He can put up with being called ‘Bobby’ as far as I’m concerned,” Mart muttered. “Getting above himself, I think.”
“What are you two talking about?” Honey asked, confused. “When did Bobby start wanting to be called ‘Bob’?”
“A few days ago,” Trixie told her. She imitated his voice and mannerisms, “‘Now that I’m a teenager I think you should treat me with more respect.’”
The impression was so uncanny that the other two had to laugh.
By now they had reached the dining room, its table piled high with platters of food.
“A plethora of gastronomic delights appropriate for consumption by a monarch,” said Mart, salivating.
“I thought you’d grown out of that irritating habit,” said Trixie acidly.
Di, who had just entered, whispered to Trixie and Honey, “Does that mean he likes it?” Trixie was impressed by the way she managed to keep a straight face while she said it.
“When did you ever know Mart to reject food,” Honey giggled.
At that moment Jim and Brian appeared and the group sat down to lunch. The food was, as Mart had pointed out, excellent but the conversation lagged and eventually ground to a halt.
“So, Di,” Mart said, breaking an uncomfortable silence, “I noticed some papers on my bed. What have you arranged for us to do?”
Di gave him a deer-caught-in-the-headlights look, but quickly recovered.
“Mostly,” she began with a gulp, “we’ll just decide on things to do in the usual way. The rest of the time I’ve got a few activities planned to help us get back on track.”
“Is that really necessary?” Brian asked, a little coldly.
“What is Dan’s latest hobby?” his sister asked him. “And what’s the name of Honey’s latest novel? And the name of Di’s boyfriend?”
“I don’t know,” Brian said quietly, his head bowed. “I’m sorry, Di. I suppose that was out of line.”
The rest of the meal passed fairly peacefully. As they were about to leave the table Dan entered, and headed straight for Honey. She threw her arms around him, making him drop his luggage.
“I’ve missed you,” she said finally. “You’ll never believe it, though. They’re making us sleep in separate rooms.”
“We’ll live,” Dan smiled. “Look on the bright side. Other people here have to spend the week apart from their significant others. At least we’re both here.”
“If you’ll excuse me,” Brian interrupted, “I’ll be in my room.”
“I think I’ll have a look around the house,” said Jim. “Anyone coming?”
“Me!” said Trixie quickly. “Then could we go outside? I want to see how the restoration of the maze is going.”
The rest of the group quickly dispersed.
Why do I always have to be the last in on anything?
I don’t know what happened before I got here, but everyone is acting crazy now. They’re all so - I don’t know - tense, maybe.
It’s like they want to yell at each other, but just think they should be polite and hold back.
And Honey’s acting the strangest. I’ve never known her to be so - well, clingy, really. She can’t seem to let me out of her sight. We’ve only been apart for ten days. It’s not exactly a long time.
I thought this was going to be a fun week.
Maybe it was just a bad idea.
The group gathered in the music room a short time after dinner that night for the first of Di’s activities.
“What you have to do,” she told them, “is talk to each of the other people here and ask them questions. The only thing is you’re not allowed to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ If you do and the other person notices you have to give them one of your beans. You’ll start out with three. Anyone who has no beans has to sit out. The one with the most beans at the end wins.”
Amidst general mutters of disbelief, Di added, “It’s harder than it sounds.”
She quickly handed out the beans and the game began. At first the conversations were rather stilted, but gradually the seven warmed up to the idea and the room filled with laughter and chatter.
Some time later Di called the group to order.
“First of all, let’s all tell something that we learned just now,” she said. “I’ll go first. I didn’t know that Brian’s girlfriend’s real name is ‘Ginevra’ and that she’s also a medical student.”
“Me next,” said Trixie. “I didn’t know that Celia Delanoy is expecting again - and at the beginning of May, which is of course the best time to have a birthday.”
“Surely that doesn’t count,” said Brian. “You’re supposed to have found out things about the other people here.”
“Okay then, brother dear,” she countered. “I didn’t know that you originally planned to spend Christmas in Boston with Ginnie rather than at home.”
“My turn,” Honey said before either of the combatants could draw breath to continue. “I didn’t know that Di had been working on the next stage of plans for the gardens at Rose Cottage.”
“I didn’t know that Honey’s latest novel has been finished for months,” Mart added quickly, “and that her publisher was holding it back for marketing reasons.”
“I didn’t know that Mart wants to travel when he’s finished studying,” said Jim. “Though it sounds like a great idea.”
“And I didn’t know that Jim was so close to finishing his Master’s,” Dan added. “I thought it would take longer than just six more months.”
“I didn’t know that Dan could cook,” Brian said, avoiding his sister’s eyes.
“Didn’t anyone find out anything new about Trixie?” Di asked with a smile.
“I found out that I’m no good at this game,” Trixie replied ruefully. “No beans.”
This encouraged the rest of the group to compare results. A quick count found that Honey was the winner by a large margin.
“I guess I just don’t talk as much,” she laughed.
Di presented her with a chocolate bar as a prize and suggested that they call it a night.
“There are heaps of things to do here now,” she told them. “You’ll need your energy.”
As the group began to break up, Honey drew Brian aside. “Can I talk to you privately?” she asked.
“I guess so,” he said rather reluctantly.
“It’s about Trixie,” she continued once they were alone. “I think you’ve been rather unfair to her.”
“I don’t see what business it is of yours,” he bristled.
“It’s my business because she’s my friend,” Honey replied hotly, “and because it’s my brother that you’re hurting when you do this.”
“Point taken,” said Brian.
“Besides,” she continued, “it’s completely unfounded.”
“What is?” he asked.
“Your accusation,” Honey clarified. “Brian, you were so loud last night that we could hear every word. I know what you think is going on, and you’re wrong.”
“How can you be so sure?” he asked, suspiciously. “Surely she wouldn’t be telling you what she’s doing in private?”
“She doesn’t need to tell me,” she countered. “Everything about them says it. They don’t act like lovers.”
“That doesn’t prove anything,” Brian added stubbornly.
“Brian, if I go and ask her now will you believe me?” Honey asked.
“I suppose so,” he muttered.
Honey quickly ran to find Trixie. She and Jim were locked in an embrace just outside the door to Trixie’s room.
“Trix,” Honey called when she saw them. “Can I have a word?”
“This had better be good,” Trixie said, wrenching herself away.
“You’re not sleeping together, are you?” Honey whispered.
Trixie frowned.
“If this is to do with Brian-” she began.
“He owes you both an apology, doesn’t he?” Honey persisted.
“Okay,” Trixie conceded. “We’re not sleeping together. Happy now?”
“Perfectly,” Honey called after herself as she headed back down the stairs.
“Better start apologising,” she told Brian. She couldn’t make out his muttered reply.
A few minutes later Brian followed Honey back up the stairs. At the top he saw Trixie and Jim in a similar position to that Honey had interrupted earlier. He almost turned around to go back downstairs but his conscience stopped him.
“Ahem,” he said.
Jim let go of Trixie but she paused several seconds before stepping back from him. Slowly, she turned to face her brother.
“Honey has convinced me that I owe you both an apology,” Brian said quietly. “Trixie, I’m sorry for what I said to you last night. It was completely uncalled for. And Jim, I’m sorry for the way this has affected you and the way it has affected our friendship.”
For a long moment it seemed that Trixie would reject the apology. Her face was hard and she held her body stiffly. “I don’t know why I should forgive you,” she said finally, “but I do. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
With that she turned to kiss Jim passionately and stepped into her room.
“I won’t pretend I wasn’t hurt by what you said,” Jim said when she was gone. “Especially considering the number of times Trixie has called you a hypocrite in the last twenty-four hours.”
“I’m sorry,” Brian repeated. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m just so worried about her. She’s changed so much and I don’t think I know her anymore.”
“Forget it,” Jim told him. “Tomorrow’s a new day.”
At that, they said goodnight.
It’s a beautiful day.
It’s cold and clear outside, just perfect for a new beginning.
I think everything’s going to be okay with Brian and me now. Once he said he was sorry my anger just melted away.
There’s one other thing, though. I’ve decided that the Bob-Whites are worth making a big effort for. After all, these are the people who made my early teenage years what they were: exciting, memorable and full of mysteries.
I’m not sure that everyone else is that committed.
Brian seems to have taken my advice at least.
He’s so stubborn sometimes! How could he question that I knew more about Trixie’s personal relationships than he did?
Where has he been the last few years? Away. Studying. Working. Travelling.
It’s true that I didn’t see her for a year, but he’s hardly seen her in five!
Right now, I can’t see what I ever saw in him. I was so in love with him - I thought. Looking back, I think it was just the idea: the perfect couple; someone my parents could approve of.
I like who I am now much better.
I hope Di doesn’t keep us indoors today.
It’s beautiful outside, if a little cold. I want to go out and experience it, the way we used to.
I think I’ll check the program. Oh, good. Di’s put down for us to spend the day outdoors, weather permitting.
That’s just what we need: time to learn to be ourselves together again.
I think I’ll stay indoors today.
I’ll leave the rest of them to it. I’ll only be in the way.
It’s not as though anyone really wants me here. Trixie and Jim would feel much more comfortable, I’m sure, without me. Honey looks at me sometimes as if I have some horrible disease - repulsed but pitying. I have nothing in common with Mart other than having the same parents. As for the others, aside from last night I can’t remember the last conversation I had with either Dan or Diana.
I’m a stranger here, and by my own choosing.
I think I’ll just stay indoors.
Why me?
Di insisted that I convince Brian to come out and join in the fun. After what I did to her, I can never find it in myself to say no when she asks me something in person.
Surely someone else would be better at this? Trixie for one. She’s the one who bullied him (and me!) into coming here.
In fact, anyone would be better than me. I don’t know him anymore.
This isn’t right!
I knew that it would be hard work getting the Bob-Whites back together, but this is ridiculous. And I never thought it would be Brian who would make trouble. He always seemed so - well, sensible.
What’s more, no one wanted to go and get him! I asked three people before one of them agreed, and then only out of a misplaced sense of guilt.
What is wrong with these people? We used to be such good friends.
I think the strain is starting to show on Di.
She’s worked so hard on this and now no one wants to co-operate with her. I’m glad Honey and I decided to do everything we can to help.
I think this business with Brian was almost the last straw for her.
For relatively smart people, my brothers can be so stupid!
If I hadn’t fought with Brian so recently I’d kick his butt. He’s being difficult on purpose, I just know it.
And Mart! He isn’t so lucky. He really didn’t like it when I told him off for his behaviour last night.
They should both know better.
Things seem to go from bad to worse.
Now Trixie’s mad with both Brian and Mart.
What’s with these Beldens? They used to get on so well - no, actually they never got on well. I don’t know what I was thinking.
And hostilities have recommenced between Brian and Jim.
You’d think that this was a meeting of rival gangs rather than a reunion.
I thought I’d settled everything with Brian.
There’s something more to this than just big brother tactics. I wish we could just get on together but somehow we seem to be rubbing each other the wrong way.
It makes me wonder what it would be like if one day I married Trixie. Would her brothers come after me? Would they be hostile to me forever?
I certainly hope not.
They’re flaunting their relationship in my face.
Honey lied to me, I just know it. I should never have trusted her.
I don’t think I’ll stay here. It’s just too infuriating.
Where does Trixie get off?
How dare she tell me how to behave? If she took a look at herself, she’d find that she wasn’t so blameless.
The only reason I’m still here is that Honey made me promise I wouldn’t leave before the end.
Oh, this is a disaster!
I thought we’d get on better than this. I’m beginning to think it was a big mistake organising this.
It would have been better to hold onto the beautiful memories.
If Mart doesn’t quit acting so pompous I’m gonna deck him.
You’d think that he was on the best terms with everyone and it’s the rest of us who’ve let things slide to listen to him.
I can’t keep my temper much longer.
The group awoke to miserable weather. It was cold, wet and windy and outdoor activities were absolutely out of the question.
“I’ve got some games we could play,” Di said at breakfast, her manner tentative. “Is anyone interested?”
“What did you have in mind?” asked Trixie with more enthusiasm than she felt.
“Well, I have a couple of ideas,” she replied. “Either we could play something like Sardines, or we could organise a pentathlon of sorts.”
“You mean with board games?” asked Dan, interested. “We each play five different games and the one who wins the most gets a prize?”
“I’ll donate the prize,” said Honey. “No, don’t ask me what. It’s a secret.”
“Why don’t the rest of us play Sardines while one of us finds the games,” Trixie suggested, thoroughly convinced.
“What’s this ‘Sardines?’” asked Mart suspiciously.
“One person goes and hides,” explained Di. “The rest of the group go and look for them, but when they find them they hide in the same place. The last person to find them hides next.
“I’ll find the other games, if everyone agrees,” volunteered Di.
“Settled,” said Trixie. “Let’s go gang!”
“Count me out,” said Brian as he moved away from the group. “I have some other things to do.”
“You stop right there, Brian Belden,” said his sister, instantly enraged. “Your ‘other things’ can wait. Don’t you value this group? You act like we mean nothing-”
Brian grabbed her by the shoulder, momentarily stopping the flow of words. The next moment Mart stepped between them, pushing them apart.
“That’s enough,” he said quietly.
“Why don’t you be the first to hide, Brian?” Honey suggested, sounding a little shaken.
Brian nodded and left the room.
When Di returned half an hour later she had some trouble locating the rest of the group. The only people she saw at first were Mart and Dan. They, too, quickly and quietly disappeared and it seemed to Di that they must be hiding from her.
Of course, you dolt, she thought a few moments later. They are hiding from you: they’ve decided to let you into the game.
A few minutes of searching found the other six crouching behind a sofa and the instant that Di came into view the whole lot of them fell into a giggling, writhing mass.
“Up!” Di commanded playfully. “Untangle yourselves. We have games to play.”
The five games she had prepared were Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, the card game Hearts, checkers and a word game where each player made as many words of three or more letters as they could from those contained in ‘Bob-Whites.’ She quickly explained the rules and soon the group had drawn lots to decide who would play whom.
Once play was underway a problem arose. It seemed that no one could agree with their competitor on the rules to anything.
Brian and Honey could not agree whether on passing in Scrabble you put back all of your tiles; Di and Jim, in their word game, disagreed on whether ‘hobbit’ was a real word and since Mart, Dan and Trixie did not know the rules to Hearts their play was quickly abandoned.
They decided to play Fish instead but could not agree on whether your turn continued if you drew a card that matched your request. It made Trixie wish she had brought her copy of ‘Hoyle’s Rules of Games.’
As the day wore on, each round was the same: a collection of disagreements. It was early evening when the final round commenced.
Brian, Di and Jim sat down to a game of Fish (since of the seven only Diana could actually play Hearts), Trixie and Mart played checkers while Honey and Dan played Trivial Pursuit.
The scores at this stage were quite close: Trixie was in the lead, followed closely by Mart and Jim, with Honey, Di and Dan not far behind them. Brian lagged well behind the others, having paid little attention to his games.
“Brian, I’ve asked you for sevens,” came Di’s rather exasperated voice from one corner.
“I’ve had enough,” was his heated reply. He threw down his cards and stalked out of the room.
For a moment, no one seemed to know what to do.
“Leave him be,” said Di eventually. “I don’t think he wants company.”
Di and Jim restarted their game alone and play continued to the end of the round.
Trixie, who had soundly defeated Mart, was the clear winner and Honey presented her with a bar of chocolate and a copy of her latest novel.
“But I already have one of these,” protested Trixie. “You gave me one before they came out.”
“Not like this one,” replied Honey. “Look inside.”
Trixie opened the book and laughed. She passed it to Jim who did the same, and the book circulated until all had seen its secret: while the cover looked correct the pages inside had been bound upside down.
“The printer made a mistake with one of the runs,” Honey explained. “They were going to pulp them so I grabbed a few to give as gag gifts.”
It’s New Year’s Eve.
Time for a new beginning and I’m gonna do everything in my power to get it.
I’ve had enough squabbling and avoiding. It’s time to do what we came here for.
Trixie asked me to do something really difficult just now.
She asked me to tell everyone how I came to feel distant from the group. I’ve never told anyone that, not even Dan.
I told her I’d think about it but I don’t know if I can actually do it.
Something inside says that I should try.
You just have to admire Trixie.
When it seems like everything is hopeless she just redoubles her efforts. But if she can pull this one off it’ll be a miracle.
I want her to succeed. It’s what we’ve all been waiting for.
I think I’m going to leave early. This afternoon, actually.
My sister has asked me to do the impossible.
How can I possibly explain why I don’t relate to the Bob-Whites anymore? Hell, I don’t feel as if I ever was one of them. I’m not that person anymore.
I have changed, but not for the better.
I’ve made my decision.
I’m going to tell them my plans.
Not that I have anything really earth-shattering to share. It’s just that no one knows yet.
I hope this plan of Trixie’s works. It feels like the last chance.
I’m really disappointed.
I thought I had all this worked out: we’d get here and it might be a bit awkward but we’d play all those silly games and everyone would talk and it would all be okay again.
Silly me.
Now I have to get rescued by Trixie. On the other hand, if this works - and I hope it does - maybe we can have something of our old relationship back.
I’ve got some thinking to do.
I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I feel like I have a few things to say.
Maybe this idea of Trixie’s will clear the air.
Once the group was assembled once again in the music room, Trixie took the floor.
“Over the past few days,” she began slowly, deliberately, “we’ve struggled with getting along together. It makes me so mad to think that we used to be best friends but now we can’t do anything but squabble. So I’ve asked you all to talk about the reasons why you’re different now to Bob-White days and the things that hurt you. Because it’s only fair, I’ll go first.
“When Brian and Jim left for college it was hard for me to adjust. Then just as I thought it was going to be okay, Honey just suddenly changed and I didn’t know why. Then, to make matters worse, Mart and Di - um-”
“It’s all right, Trixie,” Di said quietly. “I’m not that sensitive, not anymore.”
Trixie smiled at her. “The two of you just sort of disappeared. Then Dan stopped sitting with us and I was left with someone I didn’t seem to know anymore. I felt left out, and left behind, as if everyone had changed except me. I still feel that way sometimes.
“Honey, you hurt me when you wouldn’t tell me what had happened,” Trixie told her.
“I’ve never told anyone,” Honey said quietly. “But when you’re finished I’m going to.”
“And the rest of you hurt me,” Trixie continued, “when you stopped talking to me at school and we stopped meeting in the clubhouse. I guess that’s all I had to say.”
“Then I guess it’s my turn,” said Honey quietly. “Like I said, I’ve never told this to anyone. It was all to do with a trip I went on with my parents.”
Fifteen year old Honey sighed deeply and sank deeper into her chair. The weekend away was even less successful than she had imagined. Her parents had taken her to Buffalo to stay with friends of theirs - the Hendersons.
The house party consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Henderson, their son Adrian, their daughter Leandra, another couple called Ellery and their sons Adam and Lucas, Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler and Honey.
It was Saturday night and the five teenagers had essentially been left to their own devices. Honey felt that she had little in common with the others and was rather uncomfortable in their company. She had known the other girl for longer than she could remember, but something about her was different now.
“Let’s blow this joint,” said Leandra suddenly. “I know a cool place to go.”
“I know what you’re thinking,” said Adrian with a smile that made Honey’s discomfort intensify markedly.
The others agreed to leave and Honey was faced with a dilemma: go with them and risk being stranded in some undesirable part of town or stay here alone in the spooky old house. I can’t win either way, thought Honey disconsolately. I think I’d rather go with them.
The five piled into Adrian’s car and Honey soon found herself standing outside an old cemetery. Adam was unloading beer from the trunk and Leandra carried a small bundle. I don’t like this, thought Honey, but I can’t back out now.
Adrian led the way to an overgrown section. Some of the headstones were on a lean and none looked as if they had been visited in years.
“Let’s sit here,” said Leandra. She opened her bundle and produced candles which she set in a circle with molten wax. Adam handed each of them a beer while Leandra set up a ouija board.
Honey took a small sip of her beer, but almost spat it back out. Ugh, she thought. How can anyone like this stuff?
Leandra lead the group in strange chants and rituals but with little success. The board did not reveal anything intelligible and Honey suspected that the three boys were all trying to spell things at once.
As the night wore on the others became more and more drunk. Honey nursed her beer, occasionally tipping some out when no one was looking. After a time, Leandra decided to go for a walk.
“Come along, Sugar,” she slurred, laughing at her own joke and grasping Honey’s arm tightly. “Let’s take a look around.”
As they walked, Leandra read out some of the inscriptions by the light of a candle which she had brought.
“Louisa Elizabeth Moore, 12 January 1922 to 3 December 1925,” she read, her voice slurred. “A little girl. Maybe mine would have been a girl.”
Leandra slumped down in front of the tombstone and ran her fingers slowly over the inscription. With a start, Honey realised that she was crying.
“I got pregnant,” Leandra confided, “and my parents made me get rid of it. I didn’t want to, but they made me. I’ll never forgive them either.”
Leandra was sobbing now, her breath coming in rough gasps. Honey knelt to comfort her, her own mind spinning.
“It’s okay,” she repeated over and over.
Finally, Leandra stopped crying.
“I want to be alone now,” she said and stumbled off between the graves.
Honey was in two minds what to do. On the one hand, she was afraid to stay alone in the cemetery. On the other hand, she did not trust the three boys enough to go back to them. She compromised by walking to the edge of the cemetery, just inside the wall.
She settled herself on a bench under a giant tree to wait. Through the decorative iron panels in the wall she could see the neighbouring park and, further away on the road, the car in which they had arrived.
It’s really quite beautiful, Honey thought, if I don’t think about where I am.
Just then, she heard voices from the other side of the wall. Gripped with sudden fear, she froze on the spot. The voices resolved themselves into that of a man and a woman. In an instant, Honey’s fear evaporated as she recognised Brian Belden’s voice.
The greeting she was about to call froze on her lips however, as the couple came into sight. She saw Brian release his companion long enough to spread a blanket on the ground and the two dropped onto it. The woman’s form was soon hidden by Brian’s body and Honey quickly realised what was happening as articles of clothing began to be shed.
If I walk away, they’ll hear me, thought Honey miserably, but I don’t want to see this.
She shut her eyes and waited. On the other side of the wall the sounds that the couple made became more intense.
How did I get myself into this? Honey asked herself.
After what seemed like an age, Brian and his companion were quiet and a few minutes later they dressed themselves and left. As soon as Honey was certain that they had left she rushed off to find Leandra.
It did not take long. Leandra had returned to the spot where they had had their seance and she welcomed Honey as if their previous conversation had not happened. The three boys were nowhere to be seen.
“We’ll try this again without those jokers,” said Leandra, indicating the ouija board.
Honey felt uncomfortable, but did not disagree. Leandra performed her chants and rituals and the two girls put their hands on the planchette. This time, the experience made Honey want to cry. Leandra had obviously developed her attraction for the ouija board from her regrets. She was making unsuccessful attempts to contact her unborn child.
After some time, they were interrupted by Adrian, Adam and Lucas. The three had become bored with the cemetery and had decided to leave but could not agree what to do next. Honey helped Adam carry everything back to the car while the argument continued.
By the time they got to the car, the three had decided to go their separate ways. Those who wanted to go back to the house would be dropped off on the way. On arrival at the house, Honey excused herself and went up to her room.
The mantel clock told her that it was after three in the morning, but sleep eluded her. The events of the evening had shaken her more that she liked to admit. It was close to four o’clock when Honey decided to go for a walk.
I’ll go up to the widow’s walk, she thought. It will be quiet up there and I’ll be able to think.
The house was an old one, and had been built by a rather eccentric man. The widow’s walk - a walkway which ran along the top of the building - had been his fancy and it was rarely used now, except as an oddity to show visitors. From what the Hendersons had told her, Honey felt sure that she could find solitude there.
The air was chilly and Honey drew her robe closer around herself as she looked out over the garden below. She seated herself in a sheltered corner and waited for her thoughts to settle.
The evening’s events swirled through her mind and she felt as though her emotions had been let loose. Anger, confusion, fear and jealousy battled for dominance. Over it all, there was a feeling of regret at being so weak as to not object to going to the cemetery in the first place.
She felt anger towards Leandra’s parents for what they had done to their daughter. Confusion came from the contradiction between the picture of them she had got from Leandra and the one she had developed for herself. They had always seemed so much like her own parents that this contradiction frightened her. Would her own parents have treated her that way?
When she thought of what she had witnessed however, jealousy burned brightly. Trixie and Di had always said that Honey would one day end up with Brian and Honey had come to believe them. In the back of her mind she had developed an expectation that she would one day marry Brian Belden. In a way, she felt as if he had betrayed her.
Through the turmoil of her thoughts a voice broke.
“We can’t tell her,” the voice said. Honey recognised it as her mother’s. “It’s not worth the risk.”
“Do you want her to find out some other way?” her father replied. “She’s old enough to realise that not all marriages last. Some of her classmates come from broken homes.”
“This is different.” Her mother sounded determined. “I’d rather live a lie than tell Honey.”
Honey gasped. I shouldn’t be listening to this, she thought. I should call out and let them know I’m up here. She continued to sit, silent, as the argument below continued. Too late, Honey realised that her parents’ balcony must be just below her own position, hidden by the edge of the roof.
“Well, I can’t,” her father said, struggling to keep his voice low. “How can you think it’s better for her not to know this? What will she think when she finds out? That we didn’t care enough to tell her?”
There was a long pause, then her mother said, “At least she wouldn’t know the truth.” Her voice was colder than Honey had ever heard before.
“The truth,” her father repeated, his voice heavy. “The truth is right in front of her. You can’t keep that sort of secret forever. Children look like their parents. One day she’ll realise without being told.”
Honey froze. What does that mean? she wondered. I don’t look like my father. Are they talking about me? She missed the next thing her mother said as a chill ran through her. Is he not really my father? Are they going to divorce?
“Very well,” she heard her father say, sounding very tired. “If you’re so determined to keep it from her, I’ll go along on the condition that if the counselling is unsuccessful we tell her before it goes to the divorce courts.”
“Agreed,” said her mother. A moment passed before she continued. “I’d like a moment alone.”
Honey heard her father re-enter the room. She had barely time to gather her thoughts when she heard the sounds of soft crying. She realised that it must be her mother.
Why is she crying? Honey wondered. Does this mean it was their marriage they were talking about? Are they thinking of getting divorced? The next thought followed, despite her efforts to stop it. Does this mean that he’s not my father? Another thought came after it in a rush. They might sell the Manor House and then I’d have to leave Sleepyside.
Her thoughts and emotions were in more turmoil than ever. After a time, the soft sobs ended and Honey heard her mother go back inside. She resolved to sort out some things in her mind. She leaned back against the cold stone wall and tried not to cry.
The more she thought, the more angry she became until she felt that she could not stand it any longer. Her parents didn’t care: they would tell her what was happening if they did. The Hendersons, whom she had always considered to be almost family, seemed monstrous for what they had done to their daughter. And words could not describe what she felt about Brian.
By the time the sun began to rise Honey had made up her mind. She would stop being the kind, tactful one, the perfect little daughter and devoted friend. She was going to be a different person.
When Honey had finished speaking the room filled with a thoughtful silence. Brian had blushed a dark red and avoided the others’ eyes.
“Thank you for telling us,” Trixie told her. “I know that must have been hard.”
“Your parents weren’t talking about themselves, though, were they?” Di asked. “I thought they were happy together.”
“They are,” Jim replied. “The Hendersons divorced about a year after that, though, so we can only assume it was about them.”
“And if I’d thought about it,” Honey added, “I would have known that it must have been someone else because of the comment about children and parents. I don’t look much like my dad, but I do look a lot like his sister.”
“I suppose you want an explanation from me,” Brian muttered, as if to himself.
“No,” began Honey and Trixie together. Honey continued, “It’s none of my business, and I probably shouldn’t have said anything about it. You don’t need to explain anything, Brian. I only meant that I had unrealistic expectations and felt jealous when they weren’t fulfilled. It had very little to do with you.”
Brian nodded and seemed to sink further into himself.
“May I go next?” asked Jim. Several people nodded so he began, “After our dinner party at Rose Cottage - the one where Trixie told you all about my uncle - I had a lot on my mind.
“For one thing, I was moving away and beginning my studies. And Trixie was turning my family into one huge investigation. Trix, do you have any idea how much that scared me at the time? I kept thinking you were going to find out that my family tree was full of murderers and psychos and things.”
“Did you?” she asked, eyes wide. “I never thought of that. I was kind of hoping there was another living relative or two that you didn’t know about. I wasn’t really looking for scandals.”
“I know,” he said, smiling softly at her. “That’s why I let you do it.
“Then there was the one really burning issue that came up from that story: whether I had been poisoned as well. I couldn’t understand why no one else seemed to think of that. My mother’s letter specifically mentioned that she had the poison in her body when she was pregnant with me. I have to admit that it hurt that no one made that connection.
“So, I went to the doctor with the analysis that my mother had gotten and he sent me for tests.”
“What were the results, Jim?” Honey asked him anxiously. “You never told me that you’d had tests.”
“I’m fine,” he replied. “It’s okay, Honey. Everything was clear. The doctor didn’t think most of those substances could cross the placenta but he had me tested to make sure. And the ones he was worried about needed a larger dose than Mom would’ve had for them to harm me.”
Honey hugged him tightly. “You’re sure? Absolutely sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Jim replied. “Don’t strangle me!”
The mood, which had momentarily lightened due to Honey’s reaction deepened once again as Brian spoke.
“I think I’d better tell you what happened to me,” he said gravely. “I will admit that I considered leaving early rather than tell you this.
“I met Tracey almost as soon as I got to Buffalo and we hit it off right away. Then, about a year later everything fell apart.”
Brian and Tracey sat on a rug in the park next to the cemetery. It was a beautiful day but Brian could sense that not all was well with Tracey.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he asked her.
“I’m pregnant,” she said without looking at him. “Eight weeks, nearly.”
Brian drew together everything he knew about early pregnancy. If she was eight weeks pregnant, that meant the approximate conception date was about six weeks ago. In his head, Brian counted back, trying to work out how this had happened.
“I don’t know how it happened,” she continued as if reading his mind. “I’ve gone over and over it in my mind and I can’t think of anything we did wrong.”
They had always been careful. Each of them was very focused on their future and neither could afford to take time off now.
“What are we going to do?” Brian asked, his voice edged with despair.
Looking at him for the first time since the beginning of the conversation, Tracey took his hand. “Thank you,” she said quietly.
“For what?” Brian asked, confused.
“For saying ‘we,’” she told him. “For owning this problem.”
Brian kissed her softly. “Let’s think about it for a day or two,” he told her, “then we’ll work out a plan.”
Brian thought long and hard about what he wanted to do about their problem. By the time they talked about it again several days later he was certain of what he would like to do.
“Tracey,” he told her, “if you’re willing to go ahead with the pregnancy, I’ll do everything I can to support you.”
“Are you sure, Brian?” she asked. “I can’t see how we can do this.”
“I’ve been thinking,” he continued. “You’ll need to stop studying at the end of this semester. I can increase my work hours at the end of the semester. I’ve got a couple of year subjects that I’ll need to continue but I should be able to work enough to support both of us.”
“You’re sure, Brian?” Tracey repeated. “It’ll put your career plans back quite a way.”
“This is more important,” he stated firmly. “I’m sure.”
“I’d like that,” she said quietly. “Thank you.”
“There’s one other thing,” Brian said. “We’ll need to work out what our living arrangements will be. I’ve thought hard and I don’t think I’m ready to ask you to marry me. What are your thoughts on living together.”
“It would certainly be cheaper,” Tracey said with a little smile. “I never thought I’d live with someone outside of marriage, but I don’t think we can afford not to.”
“Maybe we could get a two bedroom place,” Brian suggested. “Or a one bedroom place and a sofa bed.”
“That’s a good idea,” Tracey told him. “I can live with that.”
“Then it’s all settled?” Brian asked.
“Yes,” Tracey agreed. “But I don’t want to tell anyone yet. Let’s wait until I’m twelve weeks.”
Brian readily agreed.
Three weeks later, Brian was getting used to the idea of becoming a father. He and Tracey had purchased some books on pregnancy and childbirth and they were busily reading about it. They sat together in her apartment one day when Tracey brought up the subject once again.
“Can you take me to my first doctor’s appointment?” she asked quietly. “I’ve made it for next Friday at four-thirty.”
“If you’d like me to,” Brian replied.
“Oh,” Tracey interrupted. “Oh, I’ve got to go.”
Brian smiled. Early pregnancy had that effect on Tracey, much to her dismay and Brian’s amusement.
A few minutes later Tracey returned looking stricken.
“I’m bleeding,” she said.
Brian quickly took action. He made sure that she stayed calm as he took her over to the telephone to call her doctor. On hearing that the doctor would see her straight away, he drove her to the doctor’s office. Once there, he soon found himself sitting alone in the waiting room.
Thoughts raced through Brian’s mind as he waited for her to return. It might be nothing, he told himself. But then again, she might be miscarrying. Or it could be an ectopic pregnancy. No, don’t think about that. It could be nothing.
The receptionist’s telephone rang and she spoke for only a moment.
“Would you go through, please?” she asked Brian after attracting his attention.
His heart sinking, Brian squared his shoulders and made his way into the doctor’s room. Inside, he knew that the news was not good. Tracey was sobbing quietly.
“Would you sit down please?” the doctor asked him. “Tracey has asked me to tell you what’s happening because she is too upset to concentrate at the moment. It looks very much like she is suffering a miscarriage. I’ve arranged for an ultrasound to confirm it.”
Brian nodded. Stay strong, he thought. She needs you to hold it together.
Two hours later, the diagnosis was confirmed. Tracey had begun to miscarry and was duly admitted to hospital. She told the nursing staff that she did not wish to see Brian.
Brian went home feeling empty.
“A month later,” Brian finished, “she decided she never wanted to see me again.”
“Oh, Brian, that’s terrible,” said Di, her voice quivering with emotion. “I’m so sorry.”
It seemed that everyone felt the same way.
Unnoticed by the others, Mart looked at Trixie suspiciously. “You knew,” he mouthed.
Trixie only nodded.
The whole group felt a change in the atmosphere because of Brian’s courage in telling his story. All at once it seemed as if Trixie’s idea might work.
“On a lighter note,” Mart put in a few moments later, “I have something to share. I didn’t feel left out or slighted or anything at school. When I left for college I just made a new set of friends. They’re not such good friends as all of you were, but then, who could be?
“My confession is about the future, rather than the past.”
“How can you confess something from the future?” asked Di, perplexed.
“Let him continue his blithering,” Trixie told her in an aside. “I’m sure we’re about to find out.”
“I’m not going back to college,” Mart told them.
“What?” asked several people at once.
“Well, actually, I mean I’m not going back next semester - or the one after,” Mart clarified. “After we leave here, I’m going to Iowa to work on Uncle Andrew’s farm for a few months then I’m going travelling. I haven’t decided where I’m going yet, but I mean to go overseas.”
“Don’t be silly, Mart,” his brother chided, undoing much of the progress he had previously made. “You only have one semester left. Why throw it all away now?”
“This is exactly why I wasn’t going to tell you,” Mart reacted angrily. “I can’t keep going the way I am. I’m not giving my best to my studies and I’m not happy with the rest of my life. Maybe after a year or two I’ll be ready to finish it. In the meantime, my decision is final.”
“I think it’s a good idea, Mart,” said Trixie.
“Of course you do,” he said with a weak smile. “You’re the one who thought of it. Well, the working part anyway.”
“Figures,” muttered Brian.
“Will you quit it?” asked Dan. “Let him live his own life.”
“I’m sorry, Mart,” Brian admitted. “You have the right to make your own decisions. And considering the amount of time I’ve spent with you in recent years, I have no right to suggest anything different.”
Immediately, the atmosphere lightened.
“Is it my turn now?” asked Di. “I want to tell you about living in California.
“When I got into UCLA I thought I had it made. I thought my life was going to be as bright as the weather out there. Only, when I got there it was like all of you had forgotten me. It seemed like the only time I talked to any of you was when I called you.
“Then, all my old problems seemed to have doubled. Cheating boyfriends and career doubts and all of those things seemed so much worse when I was alone. I felt so homesick, but no one seemed to miss me. You all had your own lives and they didn’t include me.
“Eventually, I decided to come home and, while not everything was rosy, it was a lot better. I thought it could be better still if we got the group back together and so here we are.
“But nothing ever seems to go smoothly in my life. All my plans came to nothing and I had to get rescued from them by Trixie.
“I’m sorry, Trixie,” she told her. “It’s just that sometimes this whole group seems to be held together by you. It makes me feel a little jealous sometimes.”
Trixie looked thoroughly taken aback. “I didn’t mean to take over,” she began in a small voice. “You did such a good job at getting us this far-”
“I did not,” Di interrupted hotly. “We only got this far because you rang your brothers and told them to agree. It’s the only explanation.”
“Well,” Trixie hedged, “yes, actually, I did. But only because I saw how disappointed you were that they had refused. I could have had a better time without them.”
Di laughed and the tension, once again, was broken. “I know you didn’t set out to dominate,” she told Trixie. “You’re just so much more of a natural leader than I am. I’m a little jealous of that.”
“But we can still be friends?” Trixie asked.
“Friends,” Di confirmed.
“I suppose I must be last,” Dan said, a short time after that. “And I don’t have anything on some of your experiences.
“I guess my story is a lot like Trixie’s. I felt pretty left out when Jim and Brian left, then Honey started to really freak me out. I couldn’t stand to look at her. I kinda felt embarrassed around Mart and Di so I made my excuses and left the group.
“And, Di, when I went to college I had exactly the same impression. I didn’t exist anymore as far as the Bob-Whites were concerned. Then I wanted to move and New York was the easiest place to transfer to. I wanted to be closer to Uncle Bill as well.
“I thought I’d sorted most of this out. I didn’t realise until I got here how much resentment I still had over those things, and the earlier ones - you know, being left behind all the time.”
“I got left behind a lot, too,” Di added quietly. “It always hurt.”
“Ooh!” cried Trixie, looking at the clock. “Look at the time!”
“Ten,” cried Mart and Honey together. The others joined them, “Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year!”
Rosewood Hall, just after midnight:
“You know,” said Trixie, “I feel a lot better about us than I have for a long time.”
“Me, too,” added Dan. There was a general murmur of agreement. “Why don’t we do something to mark the occasion?”
“Like what?” asked Di.
“Why don’t we make some sort of agreement,” Trixie suggested, excited. “Like, we agree to have one of these get-togethers every second year or something.”
“And we should all talk to every other member at least once a month,” Honey put in.
“And if any of us thinks things are going back the way they were before, they can call an emergency meeting,” added Di with a giggle.
“There should be some sort of symbol,” Jim mused. “Something to remind us of this time.”
“What’s that thing called,” asked Dan, “with a snake eating its tail. An ourobouros?”
“Snake?” Di queried.
“Eating its tail?” Honey echoed.
“Anyone got a piece of paper?” Dan wanted to know. He quickly sketched the symbol for the others to see. “I think it’s something to do with renewal and rebirth.”
“And eternity,” added Brian.
“I think it’s a great idea,” enthused Jim.
Half an hour later the pact was made. The group promised to keep New Year’s Eve every even-numbered year free indefinitely and to keep in constant contact with all of the others. They also appointed the ourobouros as the symbol of their promise.
Mart excused himself a short time later.
“I think I’ll get a little air,” Di said almost as soon as he had left. “I’ll be back soon.”
When Mart tried to return to the group, he found Di waiting for him just outside the door.
“I think we need to talk,” she told him.
“Oh-kay,” he said. “What do you want to talk about.”
“I think it’s time we buried the hatchet,” she replied. “I don’t want the situation between us to foul this up.”
“I truly am sorry,” Mart said sincerely. “I’m deeply ashamed of what I did. I know that I hurt you, Di, and I wish that I never had. I never set out to cheat on you.”
“But you did,” she said, “and it hurt, Mart. It really hurt. It still hurts.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Is that enough to fix things?”
“I know that it wasn’t before,” Di responded, “but I think that now it will be.”
“I’m going to stay up until breakfast, then sleep until lunch,” said Honey wearily. “I want to see the sun rise on a new year, then get something to eat, then sle-e-e-e-ep.”
Trixie giggled beside her.
“It reminds me of that time we slept over at Rose Cottage,” Trixie told her. “We worked and slaved the whole day, then we could barely keep our eyes open.”
“We should have sleep overs more often,” Honey replied. “I miss those girl-times.”
“And leave lover-boy at home alone?” Trixie asked in mock-shock. “I thought you couldn’t sleep without your snookums to hold your hand.”
“I’ll cope,” Honey stated.
Our last day.
When we got here, I thought we’d never manage to pull this off, but I think we’ve done it. We made the fresh start we needed and everything’s going to be okay.
I don’t mean we won’t have problems, just that we’ll face them together this time.
That’s the other thing: togetherness. I realised something this morning. I don’t think we’ve all been together one single time since Brian and Jim started college. That’s over five years!
Maybe this really is a new beginning.
Time to pack up.
I’ll carefully put away these memories like I’m putting away my belongings. I’ll need them again later, but now I’ll just hold onto the new closeness that we’ve found.
We’ve earned it.
Every day I admire Trixie more.
She did so well to convince everyone to tell what they were feeling. This week was heading for disaster until she did that.
It will be nice to get home so that we can spend more time by ourselves.
I’m glad I didn’t leave.
Maybe I haven’t changed as much as I thought I had. I’m still not the person that I was back then, but he’s not completely gone.
I owed myself the chance to find out.
I’m glad I took it.
I’m glad Brian and I had a chance to talk late yesterday.
It feels good to have made our peace and it was a big relief to talk about my plans. He doesn’t approve entirely - I can tell - but he seems to have decided to keep that to himself.
This week has been more successful than my wildest dreams.
Of course, I should have known that I couldn’t do it on my own. We all needed to co-operate to make the group work again.
After all, that’s what it was always about.
In a few hours, Honey and I will be alone together again.
This has been a long week.
I’m glad we didn’t lay down any rules on future sleeping arrangements. If Honey and I are still together in two years - and I hope we will be - I want to be with her.
It’s important to me that we came to an understanding as a group. It’s more important to be to be near Honey.
I hope it’s forever.
“Have you all done your assignments?” asked Di as they were preparing to leave.
“Yes, Ms. Lynch,” some of the group chorused. Di blushed.
“Well, fold them up and put them in these,” she directed, laying out seven envelopes, each with a name on it.
Each person had been given six slips of paper with the name of another Bob-White on them. Over the week, each of them had to anonymously compose an uplifting note for all of the others.
When they had all put their notes in the envelopes, Di handed them out.
“Now, don’t open them until you’re alone,” she warned. “These are for later, to remember what we came here for.”
Then, it really was the end. They said their goodbyes and left for home.
The End
End notes: In my research for this story, I wasn’t able to find a definite answer on the correct spelling of Ourobouros, so I just chose the one I liked best.
Almost all of the rule queries which the Bob-Whites argue about can be resolved using Hoyle’s Rules of Games,or at least the version that I have a copy of. And, yes, hobbit is a real word - it’s in the dictionary.
Back to Janice’s The Long Way Home Page
Please note: Trixie Belden is a registered trademark of Random House Publishing. This site is in no way associated with Random House and no profit is being made from these pages.